The Seriously Disturbed Show
by JaiKel
Summary: Two female hosts, Jai and Kel, kidnap LOTR characters to help them kidnap/interview Harry Potter Characters which means insanity and lots of bizarre humorous happenings. Yes, we have problems. We are however, working on that issue.


The SERIOUSLY DISTURBED Show!!!!   
(more then three exclaimation points equals insanity)   
We don't own anything from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. Yet. Some day, we will own the world, and all will bow down to US!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   
Todays episode was made possible by the mini-balrogs of America Foundation. Take care of your future, invest in a mini-balrog in YOUR backyard!!!!   
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OUR SPIFFY THEME SONG!!!!:   
  
I'm high, I'm high on LIFE!!   
I'm high, I'm high on LIFE!!!!!   
No drugs, no booze, you snooze, you lose!!!!!!   
'Cause I'm high, I'm high on LIFE!   
o.O Okaaaaay.   
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Jai: WELCOME TO THE SERIOUSLY DISTURBED SHOW!!!! ^_^   
Kel: Howdy!!!!   
Jai: Hello, I'm Jai, a seriously disturbed individual and this is Kel *smiles*   
Kel: And this is Frodo!   
Frodo: What am I doing here?   
Jai: This basically a spin-off of the Pencil Show, which is the shiznet so GO READ IT!!!!   
Kel: At http://hikaness.deep-ice.com!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Pixy Sticks!!!!!   
Jai: *whacks Kel over the head with a lamp* We stole Frodo so we could interview Harry Potter. On this show we will interveiw anyone from Harry Potter with costars helping from Middle Earth!   
Kel: So, anyways, does anyone care that she just hit me with a lamp?   
Jai: No, not particularily. *hits her again*   
Kel: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ABUSE!!!!! *runs around the stage*   
Frodo: Why am I here?   
Jai: ^_^ Comic relief!!!!!!   
Kel: I thought that was Pippin.   
Jai: NOT TODAY!   
Kel: Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow, let's get Pippin!   
Jai: Can we get to Harry Potter now?   
Kel: Sure!!!!   
*pause*   
Kel: You have the wand.   
Jai: *laughs nervously* I knew that!   
Kel: *rolls eyes* -.-   
Jai: *clears her throat* Accio Harripotterio!   
*Harry falls onto the ground, apparently having materialized out of the ceiling* *He gets up and dusts himslef off*   
Harry: Could you please tell me where I am?   
*Jai and Kel blush* *Frodo rolls his eyes*   
Kel: He's such a gentleman!   
Frodo: o.O   
Jai: O.o   
Kel: What?! *she sees their eyes* Ooooooo...   
*Harry looks around, extremely confused. He suddenly realizes where he is*   
Harry: NOOOO! NOT ANOTHER HELL SHOW!   
Kel: Oh, you're used to this?   
Harry: Yeah, I've been through the mill: A Very Unoriginal Idea, Star Wars Episode 9 3/4, etc., etc....   
Jai: Well, then you know that if you cooperate that you'll be able to leave. *she casts a secret evil glance at the audience* Maybe   
Kel: Or you might marry ME!!!! ^_^   
Jai: o.O   
Frodo: Who is he?   
Jai: Why, he is the greatest wizard ever!   
Frodo: O.O NO! Gandalf is!   
Harry: O.O NO! Dumbledore is!   
Kel: Okay...it's a tie!   
Harry and Frodo: No it isn't!   
Kel: It is!   
H&F: It isn't!   
Kel: It is!   
H&F: It isn't!   
Kel: It is!   
H&F: It isn't!   
Jai: SHUT UP!   
*silence*   
Jai: *death glare but no one dies because they don't look at her directly* Thank you.   
Kel: Okay! Since this is a new show, we can't have you asking him yet, obviously. So my sister, Starr asked all of these questions.   
Jai: You have a sister?   
Kel: Yes!   
Jai: O.O.....is she as mentally incapcitated as you are?   
Kel: Nope, she's worse!   
*Jai tries to comprehend this and fails. Her eyes twitches and she falls off her chair*   
Kel: Oh dear, she blew her mind again. *takes out smal bottle of immortality spray, and drenches Jai*   
Jai: Thanks.   
Kel: Don't mention it. First question from Starr.   
Jai: *eye twitches* Ah yes. Starr wants to know-   
Starr: WAIT! I'm here!!!!!   
All: Oh dear god.   
Frodo: *screams horribly, and won't stop. Jai gags him, and he passes out*   
Starr: * advances on Harry who is whimpering in a corner* Harry, do you pick your belly button lint? I do!!!!! *smiles proudly*   
Harry: *throws up on her shoe*   
Starr: *takes out bottle, and holds it up* Six years worth!!!!!!   
Audience, Kel, Jai, and Frodo: *throw up on each other*   
Starr: Someday I want to have it bronzed!! *turns to Harry, but he's passed out*   
Jai: Shit.   
Starr: *leans over* WAKE UP HARRY!!!!!!   
Harry: *doesn't move*   
Kel: I'm not sure, but I think the answers no.   
Harry: *wakes up* I had the most awful dream- *sees Starr leaning over him and screams* Its TRUE!!!   
Kel: *rescues him* Starr, you can ask the rest of your questions from over there now.   
Jai: *waves wand and cleans up barf*   
Starr: *pouts* Okay. Have you ever drank toilet water? It makes you have a pleasant floating sensation in your head. That reminds me, where's the bathroom?   
Kel: Hold it.   
Starr: Its not that, I'm thirsty!   
Jai: *smacks forehead* Gross.   
Harry: No, I do not drink toilet water. And I want to go home.   
Kel: *pats him on the head* Soon, very soon.   
Jai: *rolls eyes*   
Starr: Have you ever sniffed schoolbooks? You get HIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!!!!   
Jai: Someone kill her please. I can't, my record is already less-than-perfect.   
Harry: I do not sniff textbooks. I do not drink toilet water. I do not want to be here. I want to CURSE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!   
All: *duck*   
Starr: I have a LOT more questions!!!!!!   
All: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!   
Jai: Oh my, look at the time. We have to go!!!   
Harry: Can I curse her?   
Jai: *hands him her wand*   
Harry: *points wand at Starr* Avada Kedavra!!!   
*unfortunatly, Starr has magic of her own, from a rather questionable source (coughDEVILcough)*   
Starr: *disappears. curse hits wall, bounces off, and kill Jai. Luckily, Jai has IMMORTALITY SPRAY!!!!! AND SURVIVES*   
All: joy.   
Kel: The voices in my head tell me that its time to end this show before anyone else get hurt.   
Harry: YES!!!! *disappears*   
Jai: Actually, he was just transferred to a small holding cell furnished in urple.   
(A/N : urple is a horrifying combination of pink and purple. When used correctly, it can cause MENTAL SCARRING!!!)   
Kel: We're going to bring him back in a later episode so all of you can ask him questions yourselves!!!!   
Jai: Ya'll have a nice time now!!!!!   
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Hi, this is Jai and Kel!!! Who else, right? Anyway, this is the first chapter, in case you couldn't tell. Did you like? If so, reveiw, and ask a question for Ron!!!!! Ronniekins!!!!! YAY!! Frodo wasn't in this much. So, we'll have him back to host in another chapter.   
If you didn't like this much, than don't read it anymore. It ain't our problem, and flames will NOT be TOLERATED!!!!!!!!!!   
Ahem. Oh my GOD! MY SHOE!!!   
Ignore that, and take a chill pill.   
R&R!!!!   
Jai&Kel ^_^


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